A drop of dew

But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledgeof Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him -Philippians 3:7-8
So, the sermon was out of Philippians. We were celebrating communion, and I was singing a song I have sung dozens of times in church and at Campbell functions. It is a beautiful song, and today it hit me like never before.

Your broken form upon the cross, Your holy love expressed,
Stirs a passion in my soul, calling me to give my best

No sacrifice I could give for you could match what you've given me
For my everything is but a drop of dew, and Calvary is the sea
Calvary is the sea.

If I could take the love I feel and capture it with words
More than what my heart could give is so much less than You deserve

If I should ever doubt Your love, my only wish would be
That You would keep Your rugged cross etched upon my memory

No sacrifice I could give for you could match what you've given me
For my everything is but a drop of dew, and Calvary is the sea
Calvary is the sea.

I am not sure why the song hit me today, but I almost didn't make it through, very unusual for me. Maybe it was the funeral I attended yesterday. Maybe the other stressers in my life. Whatever it was, I was just struck with such a realization of how little I do for my Savior and all He has given for me. It is easy for me to be complacent and to feel all right working in my little church office, proud of myself for following God's call. Yet, I know that He is calling me to step out more, to not be comfortable. I know that whatever I do cannot earn His sacrifice or make God love me more, but I also know that I have to follow that calling...not sure exactly how that plays out right now. I just know today was a reminder...one of those random God moments which gives as many questions as answers.

thinking out loud

Ok, so I am sitting here in the house having a pretty cruddy evening after a phone call to my dad, who is not doing so well lately, and after speaking to a friend who is currently at the hospital awaiting some test results. I am watching Million Dollar Baby, which is probably not helping my frame of mind at all. I probably just need to sit and have a good cry, but I am not much of a crier, and it makes me mad when I do. I am sure this is not at all a healthy way to be, and, in all honesty I probably need to get out of the house and be social, but it is late, and no one to hang with at this hour. And so I am writing. Perhaps all the CUDS journaling has rubbed off on me after all.

I haven't blogged in a while, mostly due to busyness. Things are going well. The kids are good. The boy has started cub scouts. The baby is starting to sit and is very close to crawling. The girl is doing ok in school and has started to hang with some of the grad students at church, so she has a social life again. Hubby is Hubby, or rather Hubby on computer courses (you know, this is your Hubby, this is your Hubby on computer courses). It's a funny thing: after all these years of him teasing me about being an overachiever, he is mad as fire to not be making an A in his Spanish class. And he hates our computer. HOwever, new computers require funding which is not really available at this moment (something about a baby and a girl in college...)So, I come in regularly to find him yelling at the computer and calling it names. I am really enjoying the church I serve. I am excited about some of the things we are doing. I love the people I am working with and for (wow,ended that sentence with TWO prepositions!). I am starting to meet some other colleagues in town, which is cool. However, I am realizing that my extroverted self needs a social life. One of my favorite lunch friends (aside from staff and/or my Hubby) is moving today.She is off to OH to finish her PhD in microbiology, stuff beyond my understanding. My circle of buddies is getting geographically wider and immediately smaller (again!). Sad day.

I am extraordinarily stressed about my extended family right now. I have a dad who is dealing with a multitude of physical and emotional issues, a sister who is dealing with family issues, an aging grandmother, a brother who is just out of touch with the rest, and a wonderful sister who is in the middle of all of it as caregiver to all. I don't know how she does it. I love her dearly,and I know God has her where she needs to be right now, but I know she has to be stressed, because I am far away from them, and I am stressed. Maybe I am more stressed because I am here, but I also know myself well enough to know that I am not nearly the patient nurturer that my sister is. Maybe God knew what He was doing when He kept me away from the rest...imagine that.

Oh well, enough whining. God is good. I love my life, bumps and all...

Home alone

Ok, I am not really home alone. I am currently typing and listening to Rebecca alternate between talking to her toy and falling asleep. She has a very definite going to sleep pattern which consists of sticking her thumb in her mouth and rolling over to her side then rolling to the other side and sticking her other thumb in her mouth. She will do this and fuss a little and fall asleep. However, she is laying on her play mat, and I stuck some batteries in a part of it which has never had batteries before. So, everytime she rolls over she kicks the mat, and it starts a light and music show. So, she sings back to it. It is very cute.

She is also very much occupying herself, which gives me time to type. Normally that would not be enough to give me a few moments, but my two other children are gone, Melissa for the summer and Christian for the next couple of weeks. Jamie is working nights, so it is unusually quiet around the house. I have already done my workout, and I am fixing to ruin it by eating homemade blueberry cobbler. I have folded clothes, and now I am typing despite the fact I have nothing really to say. And now she cries, and it is time to go...good thing I had nothing to say!

It's the little things that make it all worth it

So, I thought I would share a beautiful story with you. I hope it touches you like it did me...

Last week, I was getting ready for work, putting on my jewelry. Now my jewelry box is about a foot tall with a flip top, pull out drawers and a little cabinet on each side where my necklaces hang. Anyway, I opened the side door of my jewelry box and there was a pair of underwear in there. Superhero underwear. Since they were superhero underwear, I was pretty sure this was not some strange flirtation from my husband. "Well," I thought, "That's a little weird." However, since there is a clothes basket near my dresser, I just figured that Christian had thrown his underwear at his basket, missed, and they had inadvertently gotten closed up in the drawer. So, I threw them in the basket and went on.

I don't wear too many necklaces these days due to the little one, so I did not open the drawer again until this week. Once again, underwear. This time, Star Wars underwear. And I suddenly knew: the underwear were no accident...

Later that afternoon, I asked my son, "Son, is there any reason why I keep finding your underwear in my jewelry box?" The response? Hysterical, side-splitting, couldn't talk laughter. Finally, Christian said, "I thought it would be funny." Well, he was right. It was funny. I can't help it, I've laughed repeatedly myself. It is funny in a seven year old kind of way. Later he said, "I'm not sneaky. I'm just good at practical jokes." I'm pretty sure he gets that from his father...