I had to speak in our contemporary service the other day. Cindy had asked me to share my favorite attribute of God. I thought it would be pretty easy. I just had to narrow it down to one. Now one of my favorite passages of scripture is Psalm 19: "The heavens declare the glory of God." I love it because I spend a day thinking about the sky and what it could teach me about God's nature: His purity, sustenance & provision, His cleansing power and forgiveness, His sense of order (yay, OCD me!), His glory, beauty, and artistic nature, HIs brightness, His power and strength, the list goes on...I thought I might talk about how scripture says He delights in us. I thought about how His thoughts are not our own. I was going deep. Then my weekend really began. I apologize for the length of what follows, I will try to make it shorter than it really was, but, as anyone who knows me knows, sometimes I have to tell you how I got there :)
Friday morning I got a call from my husband saying he would be late from work. He knows I never really worry about him at his job unless he is really late, so he called to keep me from worrying. He also told me that another officer had been shot, but he was ok, so if I heard, I was not to worry. Later, he called me to meet him for a late breakfast. He was exhausted and stressed and not quite himself. He told me how he had arrived on scene just after the other officer was shot and how he saw him lying there. He was frustrated and angry and dealing with a myriad of emotions. He went home to sleep and I had to leave for a little while to meet up with the office crew for an event. I got home to realize that Jamie, after working his fifth midnight shift, had not slept. He spent most of the day very restless. By that afternoon we found out that the officer had no brain activity and would not live. I forced Jamie to get out of the house and we went for coffee and a drive. Saturday I made him go for a walk with the family. By Saturday evening he was doing a little better. However, Saturday night we got a call to find out that our very dear friend, mentor, encourager, and cheerleader, John Bendure had passed very suddenly. And we got news that our "other daughter/little sis" might not be able to have the surgery we were waiting on. At 2 am I was exhausted, but I had to force my able-to-sleep-anytime-anywhere husband to go to bed.
It is interesting how burdened you can be for those that you love. I love it when fellowship means that you can laugh and play and share the good times, but God truly creates fellowship for so much more. My heart has hurt this week for so many that I love. My loss is nothing compared to others, my life so blessed, but I still hurt for them. I have prayed so many prayers this week for my friends, for the wife and family of the slain officer, for Jamie and his coworkers as they have gone through so much this week with funeral, memorials, debriefings to check that they are ok. I have wished that I could do more for all of them, but was not in a position to do so.
After a lot of struggle, I finally decided on an attribute of God. It is one of those that I tend to take for granted until times like these. I spoke Sunday night about God's faithfulness and everlasting love, how He is not a god who leaves us to suffer alone. Not only does He suffer with us, He is working at all times for our good. He is with us in our pain. He wants to carry us through it and to use it for His glory. Sometimes we are not faithful to Him and don't see Him in the midst of our suffering, but He is there. He remains faithful, and because of this and a thousand other attributes, we worship Him. The following are a few verses from psalm 33:
Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise him.
Praise the Lord with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.
Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy.
for the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does
The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love...
From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind;
From his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth-
He who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.
But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
On those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
To deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.
We wait on the Lord; he is our help and shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You.
Amen.
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