thinking out loud

Ok, so I am sitting here in the house having a pretty cruddy evening after a phone call to my dad, who is not doing so well lately, and after speaking to a friend who is currently at the hospital awaiting some test results. I am watching Million Dollar Baby, which is probably not helping my frame of mind at all. I probably just need to sit and have a good cry, but I am not much of a crier, and it makes me mad when I do. I am sure this is not at all a healthy way to be, and, in all honesty I probably need to get out of the house and be social, but it is late, and no one to hang with at this hour. And so I am writing. Perhaps all the CUDS journaling has rubbed off on me after all.

I haven't blogged in a while, mostly due to busyness. Things are going well. The kids are good. The boy has started cub scouts. The baby is starting to sit and is very close to crawling. The girl is doing ok in school and has started to hang with some of the grad students at church, so she has a social life again. Hubby is Hubby, or rather Hubby on computer courses (you know, this is your Hubby, this is your Hubby on computer courses). It's a funny thing: after all these years of him teasing me about being an overachiever, he is mad as fire to not be making an A in his Spanish class. And he hates our computer. HOwever, new computers require funding which is not really available at this moment (something about a baby and a girl in college...)So, I come in regularly to find him yelling at the computer and calling it names. I am really enjoying the church I serve. I am excited about some of the things we are doing. I love the people I am working with and for (wow,ended that sentence with TWO prepositions!). I am starting to meet some other colleagues in town, which is cool. However, I am realizing that my extroverted self needs a social life. One of my favorite lunch friends (aside from staff and/or my Hubby) is moving today.She is off to OH to finish her PhD in microbiology, stuff beyond my understanding. My circle of buddies is getting geographically wider and immediately smaller (again!). Sad day.

I am extraordinarily stressed about my extended family right now. I have a dad who is dealing with a multitude of physical and emotional issues, a sister who is dealing with family issues, an aging grandmother, a brother who is just out of touch with the rest, and a wonderful sister who is in the middle of all of it as caregiver to all. I don't know how she does it. I love her dearly,and I know God has her where she needs to be right now, but I know she has to be stressed, because I am far away from them, and I am stressed. Maybe I am more stressed because I am here, but I also know myself well enough to know that I am not nearly the patient nurturer that my sister is. Maybe God knew what He was doing when He kept me away from the rest...imagine that.

Oh well, enough whining. God is good. I love my life, bumps and all...